Who wants love?


Disclaimer: Before reading the rest of this post it is necessary to understand that this was originally written as an anonymous male’s perspective on the Bucknell culture for B-Magazine. I decided to post it on this blog because I feel as though it has a lot to say about Bucknell’s culture and dating/hook-up scene. The writing is not meant to be cynical but to be aggressively honest from a male’s point of view. Enjoy!

For man, life is a game of numbers. More often than not, or at Bucknell at least, we go out into the wild of downtown or the few remaining registers with the hopes of finding that cute girl that will say yes and come home with us. We will bounce from one to another until finally, at the end of the night, we find one who has been hit on so much that she finally gives in and says yeah let’s go. Does this sound depressing to you?

For the freshmen and sophomore men this might sound like heaven. Who, as a straight, athletic, charismatic (or so we think of ourselves) male, would not want to go home with as many girls as he could and live the life that we as men envision when we were dreaming of college? What is strange though is the transformation we begin to go through once we start to tire of this lifestyle. To clarify, we do not become tired of women or the going out. Instead, we start to want someone who we can share this lifestyle with; we want someone who is fun, that can hang with the boys, and that gets us. Here-in lies the problem with Bucknell culture.

With great certainty I can say that any girl that goes up to a single guy (sometimes even one who is romantically involved) and proposes that the pair goes to the nearest bedroom will be met with a warm and welcome response. What I mean by this is that it is by far easier for women on campus to find a one night stand then it is for a man. However, while women control the ability for the one night stand, men often control the world of dating. Once we decide that we are tired of the hook-up scene, and stop just looking for the one time girls, we open our horizons to the world beyond the one night of fun. We begin to actually talk to you, not just with silly pick-up lines or pretending to care what you are saying, but with actual interest and care for your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

So then, how do you end this vicious circle and find true romance even when the guy is not looking for it? Bucknell does a lot of things well but falls short in once category, sober activities. Therefore it is extremely hard for two people to meet and talk in a sober environment which is where the best connections are made. Breaking the cycle, then, requires you (the girl) to not succumb to the one night stand. You have to be sweet, sexual, and funny but only go so far as to hold the interest of the guy that you want. The best three relationships that I have had over my lifetime have been the result of getting to know the girl on a personal level before we became sexual.

It may seem like a daunting challenge, especially if your friends keep telling you to go home with someone, but try to keep it up. Most guys, when presented with a challenge with a reward at the end of the stick will take it. The caveat is that when he is trying to get his reward, meaning you, he starts to learn who you are as a person. He starts to realize that there is something there besides a pretty face. By the time the two of you do become sexual he has forgotten that he was only after you for the hook-up and has become actually interested in your well-being.

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9 thoughts on “Who wants love?

  1. This is interesting because I think it mirrors a lot of truths and a lot of misconceptions that people have around here….

    If I could change one thing about the way people interact here, it’d be the way guys think about sex. It’s often assumed that girls are in it for the long-term, and guys want a one-night stand, and I’d argue that that generalization is so, so wrong! Most girls I know (the majority being incredibly attractive physically!) have some story about a night that they frustratingly “couldn’t get anything.” And I know a lot of guys that were frustrated that it was tough to date on campus.

    The numbers are a lot more even than we realize.

  2. Sigh…. WHy is it considered “normal” for an 18 year old male to expect to go out and “hunt” for some conquests? Where does this come from? Is it bigger than Bucknell.

    • I did originally write this though it was not published because it was too provocative for Bucknell. I do think that this is bigger than Bucknell and is instead a “college” midset (or at least for freshman and sophomores). The original writing was to explain to a predominately female audience what goes through the mind of a college male at the different stages of their careers and how to possible overcome it.

  3. For a lot of people I feel like a lack of dating is the idea that there are so many options, what if the “wrong” choice is made? I guess you can compare it to buying a car. You don’t just go to the dealership and look at one car and buy it. You walk around the lot, check the specs, ask a few questions to the dealer. Then, if you find a few you like, you end up test driving them (I know that sounds like a bad way to put it but stick with the metaphor here). Only once you know what you like and don’t like can you make a decision on the car that is right for you. When you gather so many cars on one lot, it makes it hard to make a commitment WORTH committing to.

    To me, dating is a VERY serious thing and I don’t want to date someone for the sake of dating. I want to officially enter into a relationship with someone who I truly know I will enjoy through thick and thin. Also, in response to how the game changes when males start looking to settle down and not one-night it anymore, I feel like this is when “platonic” relationships don’t look so platonic.

    • As funny as your analogy may sound, I actually told my high school girlfriend (my only girlfriend at that point) that I didn’t know if she was a good car or a bad car. When she looked at my dumbfounded I went on to explain that I wouldn’t know if she was right for me unless I had others to compare her too. Therefore I completely understand where you are coming from and I think that the underclassmen mentality is to try out as many different cars, models, girls, whatever until they know what they want.

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