Disclaimer: Before reading the rest of this post it is necessary to understand that this was originally written as an anonymous male’s perspective on the Bucknell culture for B-Magazine. I decided to post it on this blog because I feel as though it has a lot to say about Bucknell’s culture and dating/hook-up scene. The writing is not meant to be cynical but to be aggressively honest from a male’s point of view. Enjoy!
For man, life is a game of numbers. More often than not, or at Bucknell at least, we go out into the wild of downtown or the few remaining registers with the hopes of finding that cute girl that will say yes and come home with us. We will bounce from one to another until finally, at the end of the night, we find one who has been hit on so much that she finally gives in and says yeah let’s go. Does this sound depressing to you?
For the freshmen and sophomore men this might sound like heaven. Who, as a straight, athletic, charismatic (or so we think of ourselves) male, would not want to go home with as many girls as he could and live the life that we as men envision when we were dreaming of college? What is strange though is the transformation we begin to go through once we start to tire of this lifestyle. To clarify, we do not become tired of women or the going out. Instead, we start to want someone who we can share this lifestyle with; we want someone who is fun, that can hang with the boys, and that gets us. Here-in lies the problem with Bucknell culture.
With great certainty I can say that any girl that goes up to a single guy (sometimes even one who is romantically involved) and proposes that the pair goes to the nearest bedroom will be met with a warm and welcome response. What I mean by this is that it is by far easier for women on campus to find a one night stand then it is for a man. However, while women control the ability for the one night stand, men often control the world of dating. Once we decide that we are tired of the hook-up scene, and stop just looking for the one time girls, we open our horizons to the world beyond the one night of fun. We begin to actually talk to you, not just with silly pick-up lines or pretending to care what you are saying, but with actual interest and care for your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
So then, how do you end this vicious circle and find true romance even when the guy is not looking for it? Bucknell does a lot of things well but falls short in once category, sober activities. Therefore it is extremely hard for two people to meet and talk in a sober environment which is where the best connections are made. Breaking the cycle, then, requires you (the girl) to not succumb to the one night stand. You have to be sweet, sexual, and funny but only go so far as to hold the interest of the guy that you want. The best three relationships that I have had over my lifetime have been the result of getting to know the girl on a personal level before we became sexual.
It may seem like a daunting challenge, especially if your friends keep telling you to go home with someone, but try to keep it up. Most guys, when presented with a challenge with a reward at the end of the stick will take it. The caveat is that when he is trying to get his reward, meaning you, he starts to learn who you are as a person. He starts to realize that there is something there besides a pretty face. By the time the two of you do become sexual he has forgotten that he was only after you for the hook-up and has become actually interested in your well-being.